New Job As A Cfo Mugs

'The reason we pay our CFO, Hargrove the big bucks is so we don't have to pay OTHERS the big bucks.'

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Now that I have your attention...'

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"We're experienced an extraordinary amount of growth this year."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'Salaries Manager. No.'

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'

The Evolution of the Bonus

"#Win!"

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"