New Home Acquisition Gifts

'Darling, the fashion is evolving. We'll need to have the doors expanded.'

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

Homegrown solutions for a smaller carbon footprint.

"First time pruning?"

Tool Box

Palms. When fully grown that species will provide some nice shade in your your yard. Fronds with benefits.

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

I did it my way.

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

Sale! Weed Whackers

'Is there any chance at all I could get you to stop leaving your pantyhouse laying around?!'

The Tightrope Balancing Act of Home Ownership and Interest Rates.

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

A corner market is taken over by suburban sprawl.

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"