New Home Acquisition Gifts

'Darling, the fashion is evolving. We'll need to have the doors expanded.'

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

"First time pruning?"

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

Homegrown solutions for a smaller carbon footprint.

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

Tool Box

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

I did it my way.

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

'Is there any chance at all I could get you to stop leaving your pantyhouse laying around?!'

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

Sale! Weed Whackers

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

The Tightrope Balancing Act of Home Ownership and Interest Rates.

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

A corner market is taken over by suburban sprawl.

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

Man sees sign stating dog for sale, house and land thrown in.