New Employment Pillows

I'm unpoor! You're what? You're looking at an employed man. After seven years of unemployment, I just got a job at Walmart. It pays slightly more than minimum wage. Congrats. The first thing I'm going to do with my new-found wealth is buy a new pair of undies. I haven't bought a new pair of undies since 2007. The second thing I'll do is pay down the interest on the principal on one of my credit cards. America is back, baby!

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

Where your mind & battle are los

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

'Let's not go by the book.'

Butterfly Woman

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'How fast can you hype?'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

Others will fight for you

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'Progress of a bookshelf'

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

Doug had trouble getting home at a decent hour.

37 years in the same position.

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

Work/Life Balance

Outer Space Outsourcing

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

'So...you THINK you have what it takes to be a scientist...?'

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

Bo're'droom