New Diagnosis Pillows

'When you suggest that I might want the second, third, or even the forth opinion...are you saying my condition is THAT bad?!'

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

LAY ZEE FUK

Lady of the Cake.

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Doctor describes inside guts while patient has black thoughts.

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

The wonderful world of cheese.

Allotment

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

Gardener

Empty box of ideas

"And this is our media room."

Rose Garden

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Beach Barbecue

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

Shed Into Dream Playhouse.

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

"Careful with that - the wife made it at pottery class."

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

"I think I perferred the plain magnolia"

Candle Portraits.

"The following film has been formatted to fir the screen of the newer and more expensive television set."

'With my parents out of the house, I can finally start my long awaited mural project.'

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

'Your fancy new grill works great. . .and we didn't even have to turn it on.'

"Get... a-nother room!"

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."