Nerdy Storyteller Pillows

Little known fact: I spent a semester at Reed College in Portland. "Little known facts" are supposed to be momentous. Well, the little known fact is, while I was there, I asked a lady out

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

After chasing the rabbit for many hours, Buster found himself very far from home indeed.

How I met your mother

Daughters at Bedtime

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

Follow me on Twitter...

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"You sure you don't want any Pi?"

Now Hiring. Artificial Intelligence & Research Lab. "Artificial Intelligence"? Great! I'd be a real asset to your project since I'm not as intelligent as I look!

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

"Really, Larry? Of all the things that could have bitten you, you get a wereduck?"

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

'...in sickness or health, inflation or deflation,marriage tax credit or debit...'

"Come with us to see the wizard. He can find you a brain!"

Chicken Funeral Planning.

"Convicts selling novels from prison? At least that could never happen here, eh Jones?"

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

Hog Futures

Happy Birthday to you... Thanks guys!

Snow White and the Seven Dorks.

Centaur falls in love.

Pavlov's dog eats Schrodinger's cat.

'You're an estate agent aren't you?'

"I'm so glad you suggested we insert his heart on Valentine's Day!"