Needlepoint Nerd Pillows

A woman needlepoints a barcode.

Self help acupuncture

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

My other cello is a Stradivari

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

"You'll feel a pinch now and another one when the bill comes."

Gloat

Coronavirus world

"Do you have any knitting patterns for somebody who can only count to five?"

I love embroidery

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.

"Yo, this should be a two."

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

"Mine's bigger than yours."

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

The latest craze in party games: needlepoint charades.

Guru about mountaintop covering: 'My wife knitted it.'

'And you'll be pleased to notice, sir, that we had to eliminate the top of the chart.'

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

"Amazing deduction, Holmes!"

The United States Public Debt.

"I'm doing all I can to make the little things count."

'Professor Higgenbottom will have the number π and I'll have the number √-i.'

"The Treasury is fairly sure that the figures in the budget are correct, they might just not be in the right order!"

Knitted Kitty.

'Would you like your dividend in pennies, nickels or bitcoin?'

'In other words, statistics prove that statisticians aren't always right.'

Consumption Graph.

'Oh, Wow! You write math books? That's wonderful! Where do you get your ideas?'

"For this year's financial picture, we've done away with graphs."

'Are you good with decimals? Our certificate of deposit is currently paying 0.025%.'