Navigating Relationship Changes T-Shirts

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

"Honey, this is serious, we need to text."

"Why do I feel like your mother is going to blame this on my cleaning?"

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

"But honey. . . he's just not our kind!"

"Uh-oh. The so-called marriage penalty."

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

"No, Phil, I'm not grateful that we finally have some time alone."

"Thanks for that."

'I'm sorry but I need my own space.'

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

"Do you, Amanda and John, promise to watch yourselves, mind your Ps and Qs, and generally step on eggshells in this marriage, in order to somehow keep it up and running for as long as possible?"

Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasal spray instead of super glue!

'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

"It's not all your fault, some of it is my mother's!"

"I don't understand... I've scientifically proven that you were wrong. How can you still be mad at me?"

'We tried marriage your way and it didn't work. Now it's my way!'

"Life’s become pretty easy lately. Perhaps it’s time we shake things up by adding a dependent."

"Once we're all vaccinated, will you still want to spend every waking moment together?"

'You're afraid of commitment, aren't you?'

'I feel like I just don't know you anymore, Richard!'

'In defense of forgetting our anniversary, I forgot we're married.'

'I've been married to your sister for 9 years, so why should I be scared of you?'

Certificate in Living Room Celebrating Three Days Without Argument

Fourplay.

'Let's take this step by step -- first, I want you to recognize each other's right to exist.'

"He's not gonna lose it tonight."

Walk dog, brush your teeth.

"Get with the program, Barry, the certificate clearly said, 'till death do we part'."