Navigating Marriage Mugs

"It's time to bring in the wax begonias and your mother."

"But honey. . . he's just not our kind!"

Cricketer goes for marriage guidance

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."

'We don't text anymore.'

'Happy anniversary! It's a season pass for us to go to marriage counseling.'

Cyber Fight

"Well yes, I've been away for a long time, but you knew I worked on a Pirate Ship when we got married..."

'Last week I got a lovely watch for my wife!'

'The only thing we have in common is that we're in love with the same woman.'

"Marriage and water, I find, don't mix."

"O.K., class, next we'll pound out the dough until that ungrateful, self-centered son of a bitch realizes he's not the center of the world, and maybe, just maybe, he doesn't deserve an attractive, well-educated woman with a wonderful sense of humor."

"The law is a jealous mistress, something wives just have to understand."

"I guess the honeymoon's over. My husband got me a gift card for a psychotherapist for our anniversary."

'Jeremy, why can't we talk instead of you bottling things up all the time?'

'The only thing we have in common anymore is the kids are driving us both nuts!'

"You're keeping something from me, aren't you?"

'... all you have to say is QUACK, QUACK, QUACK!'

'Inform him I dislike it when he uses the dog to communicate.'

"There's no other woman! That's whale you smell!"

"When we have fun, we really have fun."

'Share your innermost feelings or the remote gets it.'

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'

"Are you trying to tell me something, dearest?"

"Baldo! Pick him up!"

"The end of my wife's rope is near"

"Then one day he said, 'It's either me or the damned cat!'"

"Death, death, death! That's all he ever talks about!"

'The Morning after the bridge night before.'

'She hates to see me happy.'

"Dear Alice: in response to your accusation...."

"It's probably bad news if she refers to the second date as 'mission creep.' "

"He was that needy, he actually asked me on a second date."

"I was TOO listening. I just wasn't caring."

"I'm sorry, dear, but you knew I was a bureaucrat when you married me."