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"He just sits there and stares at us. I don't know if he wants to be friends, or he's just taunting us. It tortures me not knowing."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

Author's Bio-diversity.

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

Humans Queue To Use Portable Toilet While Dogs Queue To Use Tree Portable Toilet

'Shortly you will be running for your life. I wouldn't order dessert.'

Man takes picutre of other man holding up huge worm at Bait Shop.

"Nothing else in my room can spin on the floor like a bottle."

A child as a pet substitute.

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

'So, you're an organ-grinder's monkey? A professional beggar? Is that how you intend to support my daughter?'

"'Autonomy' is the new BUZZ word! We have to unleash our staff. Professionals like you need to be free to use your own judgement, manage your own workloads...use your initiative."

"We need to have a serious talk."

'You are right, honey, it's raining too much. It's not the best day to visit my mom.'

"Steve? Hold on, lemme grab my fiddle."

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

'I'm leaving my wife because of another woman. Her mother.'

"Think about it: Toby's the only ram here, so we have to be half brothers!"

'Yoy know perfectly well WHICH corner, Jamie!'

Bears: 'Mummy, mummy can I sleep over at Jessica's this winter.'

"...and then while I was at soccer practice they moved house."

'It's good, Timmy, but it's not refrigerator good.'

'I want to thank my biological and surrogate Mother, my two Dads.. .'

"Daddy can't help you, son. Daddy's a product of the 'me' generation."

'I love all of your brothers and sisters, but you're my favorite.'

"This cat has got to go on a diet...he weighs 78 pounds!"

Mom's Mortuary

'Must you find fault every time she brings a boyfriend home?'