Nail Care Guru Pillows

"You didn't need to wash your hands?"

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

The adoration of the gels.

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Dragon Hair-dryer.

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Rapunzel in the Morning

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"Be creative...!"

"Too much concealer?"

Dating is so expensive...

Emergency Hipster Beard

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"I know we've had our differences in the past but if you scratch behind my ears I'll show you where the catnip is kept."

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

For heavens sake,put some make-up on!

'Wrinkles can't breathe in mud.'

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

The Coiffing - to Illustrate poem 'The Ballad of a Barber'

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

One of the Ten Best Hair Days of the Year

"I'm not saying your after shave smells bad, but.. maybe you should use one mosquitoes don't like so much!"

'Ok. Now I'm sexy.'

'...so I simply combined my love of beards with my love of tattoos and this was the result!'

"Dear Diary: Today I ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped. Ate, groomed, napped ... HAIRBALL!!"

Why weren't we born rich instead of beautiful?

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

"Same goash-darn thing every full moon, eh, Mr. Harper?"

'Done the first, now shower, shave.' - The bear essentials.

The Cat Spa

"Nice haircut."