Mystic Mugs

"Nothing is as it seems, my son."

'I called them, and told them what you were going to do tomorrow! '

Amateur Palmist

"I turn on the bubble machine for good luck. And the distraction of course."

'Well, I'll be darned! It looks like just a lot of the same old stuff from here on out for you.'

"Okay brother Bickle, you can keep your underpants on"

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

Nostrildamus.

"I can see that in your past life you were also a gullible schmo easily taken in by charlatans."

Ill next Thursday

"You will soon come into a lot of money."

"I see a dark, four-year old who is quite tall for his age."

Psychic Hotline: Don't call us - we'll call you!!

Hog Futures

Dyslexic Palm Reading

"Covid again!"

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

'Don't think I'm talking shop, but is there anything on the other side?'

Mystic's Diary

'My new crystal ball has made me enormously popular!'

'I may charge a lot but you get much more through me. I'm a psychic large.'

'Ha Ha! Stop seeing astrally and look behind you, Bob!'

'You are being completely duped by a stranger! She says she can foretell your future, but she is just a con artist...'

'I really don't know how you got here with your life line!'

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

In a ranch bunk house a mystic sleeps on a bunk bed of barbed wire.

'I'm sorry. I just can't read music.'

"Your life will soon resemble a soggy old clump of leaves."

Fortunes. Tarot. Palms. You punched the fortune teller just because he was smiling? I always wanted to strike a happy medium.

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

I'm proud of you, Mort. It's been a month and you haven't once freaked out a bout Donald Trump winning the election. That's because I made a pilgrimage to a fog-shrouded castle atop a mountain in Foreignvania. There, a renegade mystic performed an incantation that reboots my memory to November 7, 2016 every time someone mentions Trump. I'm not sure that's a good long-term coping mechanism. Rebooting! ... Hey ... don't forget to vote tomorrow, Randy.

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

The Witches Discover The Wok