Mystic Sage Pillows

"I need to know what the future holds, at least for the next six weeks."

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

One can hardly be expected to solve the riddle of existence without a computer

'It's the Mesolithic Age? - But I just got used to the PALEOlithic!'

Bishop with a crozier case.

Mitch learns he is not the brightest bulb in the chandelier.

"You've done it - you've come up with the perfect password."

'How am I supposed to meditate with your nose whistling?'

'Wow! - Your diary is even more boring than MY diary!'

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

'It will cure every ailment known to man, the only side effect is, you'll choke to death trying to swallow it.'

'Huh...I just got this sudden, uncontrollable urge to invent spoken language.'

Couldn't you have used a smaller font?

"Bird of paradise, my ass."

"You're confusing guilt with feelings of remorse. With remorse, you don't need a lawyer."

"Hunters turned philosophers"

'I'm afraid my husband will stop loving me as I get older.' - 'Mine would never do that with me. You know why, don't you. He's an antique dealer.'

"Rough year?" (2021 new year baby asking 2020 old year man)

"Either the crystal ball's had it or you have."

The past only looks good when you're living in the present.

'Meaning of life, eh? -- Who wants to know?'

'Wh-h-hatz-u-upp, dude?'

Oscar Wilde