Music Director T-Shirts

'Buy you new equipment? Are you kidding? Our budget is already so tight that we have a kazooist because we can't afford an organ.'

Someone being taught how to conduct an orchestra.

"I was kind of hoping for 'new voices' who'd also sung before."

Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! She was great! I hear she's so sought-after by musical theater productions that she can make them work around her schedule! So in other words, "Operettas are standing by!"

'OK, everybody...'Louie, Louie' from the top!'

Sir Henry Wood.

"Don't call us, we'll call you."

Military conductor

"No pre-recorded music in this church. It's all 100% organic!"

"Looks like we found the issue."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

Showbiz Awards

James Bond in a Snow Globe

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Director/Action Man toy.

Benedict Cumberbatch

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"I kid you not, blood was oozing from the walls! Unfortunately, it was fake: I had stumbled on the set of a horror movie..."

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

Marimba

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

Golfing Boss

Bo're'droom

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

'Take a few days off. Suck some necks ...'

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."