Munitions Company Executive Gifts

"A is attacking B, B is attacking C, and C is attacking A and D. Business couldn't be better."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

"Yes, we have a retirement plan. It's called a layoff."

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

'It says our line printer is obsolete our remote terminal is obsolete, and I'm afraid, we're obsolete.'

"So, how was your day at work, Dear?"

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

"No coal here, either - but you never know until you look."

Annual Stockholders' Meeting: Take some tissues.

'Our union contract keeps us from cutting salaries, but nothing prevents us from charging for parking.'

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

Oh no ... Outsourcing

Downsizing.

"I have the profit sharing figures. You owe the company �2,367.25."

"Why does it always have to represent something?"

'And this is where we all suddenly started getting bad vibes.'

'After months of analysing, we found out how to stop your downgoing profits: just find more customers who want to buy your products.'

"We're having a lot of trouble with this model, sir - it's lasting indefinitely."

'No wonder we're losing money! --This organizational chart is upside down!'

'We do a little hiring and a little firing, and between you and me, I enjoy the firing more.'

'The incorporation of the name of Cit-Bolon-Turn the God of Healing into your logo will resonate with everyone who has even the faintest knowledge of Mayan religious nomenclature!'

EXXON EXTINCTION

'We believe in having a very specialised team. Watkins here for example provides all our human error.'

'Welcome to the Business Ethics course. Today we're going to start with the basics.'

"He's given up trying to find anything else he can cut to reach 40% savings."