Muck Maestro Pillows

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

Orchestra.

The Brothers Grime

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"Textin’"

You're arrogant, aloof and spoiled...but I mean that in the nicest way.

Twitter censorship

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

'I lost a fight with a mud puddle.'

Violin Practise

Pull the udder one

"Billy's room gets cleaned for free! The cleaning service uses it to train employees how to clean a hazardous waste dump."

The day Bob finally understood radiation of species.

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

"... and come out fighting, boys."

"Holy hell. I should not have based my whole personality around this..."

"Wow! You're a real good guesser, mom...that's exactly what we had at Jonny's party! Spaghetti an' cake an' ice cream!"

The Internet - Now available in bookstores

Well you know what they say - here today gone tomorrow - or in the case of dotcoms, here today gone shortly after lunch.

I stamped out smiley faces in your handwritten memos, and by George, I'll do the same with emoticons in your emails!

Two men discussing thier moustaches

The Pooperrazzi

'I'm still working on my novel. In the meantime, and this is between you and me, I make ends meet by writing all those cat memes you see on Facebook.'

'You didn't practice last night,did you?'

Surgical intervention on Emoticons

"Relax, Hargraves, … we're all 'Muckety-Mucks' here."

Cat at the piano

Arnold's clone refuses to workout: 'You're a huge disappointment, dude.'

Before you feed him/After you feed him.

Musical Prodigy

'Mess with me if you have to, son, but not with the regimental moustache!'

"It took years of vocal training, but I now have a vocal range from squeaky right down to tenor..."

Adam with a selfie stick

"But this way I know where everything is."