Mountaintop Meditator T-Shirts

'I distinctly told them - NO STARCH!'

'Oh wow! Bad karma!'

'The secret to happiness is to stay away from low-lying coastal areas which are most susceptible to storms from global warming.'

'I'm not a guru. I came up here just to get away from electric power lines.'

'Hey, hey -- You've got to stay focussed.'

'Please...thank you!'

'We've been up here thirty years - Of COURSE you have deja vu feelings!'

'Actually I only do this on weekends.'

"Thirty-seven years up here and my ears STILL pop!"

'I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.'

'Truth is fine, but I really need marketable ideas.'

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'Do you ever just feel like getting away from it all?'

'It's normal -- Enlightenment freaks a lot of people out.'

"Yes, I'm the wise man who lives on the top of the mountain. And believe me, the surcharge for the pizza delivery service is insane!"

"I decided to get comfortable...we have a lot to talk about."

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

"Sometime, maybe we could run down to Lhasa for some SPICED gruel, huh?"

"In the Game of Life, my son, the fix is in."

"I'm hoping to sell my startup - a chain of fast-food meditation centers - to Google for seven figures."

"The meaning of life is cats."

'So then I thought, what's the idea job for a gentleman with my years of experience, wisdom and a desire to help others.'

Wisdom for dummies

'I hired a decorator.'

"I'm just checkin' my email, OK! I AM NOT googling it..."

'I've been up here almost a month now -- when do we get paid?'

"Oh great!...He;s a fitness guru!!"

"My koan is to comprehend the sound of one hand clapping."

"I accept the cookies I cannot change."

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

'That's old Goopta - he decided to quit at the top of his game.'

'I consider the Buddha to be a living document.'

'Nothing against you, but I'm thinking about going back for my master's.'

'This is goodbye, Goopta -- Barack Obama offered me a job writing platitudes!'