Motivational Speaking Gifts

"You should do something brilliant, before it's too late."

Daily Affirmations: 'You can succeed!! You are a Peli-'CAN' not a peli-can't.'

"...but what we're looking for is ability"

Speaker and crowd 'Think for yourself!', 'MAKE me!'

'You need to ask yourself, Am I a pecan or a pecan't?'

"Imagine the treat as if you already have it."

"It was a scary few minutes but now I'm making a fortune as a motivation speaker."

"The motivational speaker you hired is going to be late. He's having trouble getting out of bed."

"Before I continue past my opening joke, I want to know if she is laughing or crying."

'Welcome James. Are you ready to kick some butt?'

"The room is going to love you. Just be funny, serious, modest and cocky."

"Be the ball. Be the pins. Be the lane. Be the shoes."

'Last quarter's sales figures were disappointing but don't be discouraged. Let's double our efforts and remember that it takes both sunshine and rain to make a rainbow.'

'Shall we motivate the team then?' 'Nah, can't be arsed.'

How Cows Psych Themselves Up

"Do we still have a copy of the pep talk I gave on that day?"

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

Milkman Training Course - "I will now show you how to get the maximum amount of respect from a milk bottle without breaking it."

Now, Foster, have you ever thought about taking out our company PEP?

"Looking good! Feeling great! And soon to be famous!"

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

'Failure is not an option!'

Hanging off every word...

Obama Speech.

'Even in the mundane tasks, aim for perfection!'

'I think discussions are a great motivator. Go find somebody to talk to.'

Next exit...COACH RACHETretired: 'Stop by for a good ass chewin'!'

He knew that his motivational speech was a failure when only the hecklers seemed to be motivated.

"Way to go, guys! When I gave you that pep talk before the game I didn't actually think you'd score a goal!"

"Maggots! That's what ya' remind me of! You've gotta want that fish head."

"It doesn't matter how small you start...."

"You reddish brown! Azure tinge! Pastel yellows and mauves!"

Sometimes even our pets can feel depressed. I always try to do what I can.

"So...what's the most important thing about working at Auto y Rod Inc.?"

"In the flea jar, the Change Manager attempts to convince his colleagues that 'there is no lid'.