Moo-seum Curators Pillows

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

You're my Mona Lisa.

At the Museum

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

The Googler

"I'm beginning to regret taking this job at the local playgroup."

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

'That's about it so far, Son.'

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

"And this is our media room."

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

Night-time halo

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

Physician tending a mummy.

"Personally, I'm a doer."

Barcode on Ancient Greek Vase

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"Anachronism or not, it just ain't the fourth without the ribs and Willie Nelson."

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Video Henge: made from melting and molding 3,000,000 obsolete VCR tapes.

'I'm sure he was a great guy, but there's a new Pharaoh in town.'

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

Misunderstood artist

The Hall Of Mirrors Jeretski Palace, Plovdo

'Are you sure this is authentic ancient Indian art?'