Monthly Subscription Fan Prints

'You're spoiling that squirrel, subscribing to the Nut - of - the - Month Club!'

Soup of the month.

The Pill-of-the-Month Club!

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

"I prefer 'prostitute'. 'Media whore' implies that I'm not getting paid."

Wine of the Day Club

'Honey, it's your worms of the month delivery!'

"I'm sorry, your grapefruit subscription ran out and I forgot to renew it."

Mr. Macho at the game... and after the game is over.

Subpoena-of-the-Month Club

'Yes, Bob, Allan's wife did let him buy tickets to the big game, but then Allan didn't spend all his allowance on nachos and beer, now, did he?'

"Our marriage has been renewed for another season."

'Of course I just retweet everything I see - I'm a parrot.'

Penfriend

"I subscribed to a collector's magazine! It has great interviews with big-time collectors who buy the world's rarest treasures."

The headless moped driver

"When did Charlie switch to a subscription model?" "Sniff my butt"

The eskimo lottery...

"Did you join the testimony-of-the-month club?"

"Around here, we don't say 'A penny for your thoughts.' We say 'A bitcoin for your brains.'"

"Those cat nap boxes just appear on their porch every week—it's like magic!"

"I'm sure it was just an oversight, sir, but your subscription to 'Time' has lapsed."

'I worked hard, made my millions. There's nothin left to do except give it away - but I'm too cheap!'

'I don't know why but these guys are fascinated with me...'

"He can be pretty mean when he takes his wife out to dinner"

Motorbike

'Stop whining about commitment! I only asked you to go in on a magazine subscription.'

"Your eyebrows have gone viral. Get some tweezers."

High electricity prices

"It's not exactly shopping. Many companies have my profile, the send me stuff they now I'll like, and they bill me for it."

"Hello, I'm calling to cancel my subscription to the Punch-of-the-Month basket."

'There goes Methuselah again, cackling about all his lifetime subscriptions.'