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The Queen

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

'Your Grandpa achieved greatness, he thrust greatness upon me, and then you were born great!'

"Yes, I'm sure. The dragon I saw was quite a bit bigger."

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

"Is this the same gold bar I gave you last year?"

"There's no way we can get him ow. He's completely under the covers."

''Depression'? -- You or the country or both?'

"Don't worry, princess, I'm sure one day your Mr. Divine Right will come along."

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

"He's right―there is something under the bed!"

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

"I have to admit. You talked a good game."

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

Monster Baseball

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

King completes rubik's cube.

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

'This is great! -- I should have thought of tax simplification years ago!'

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

'He just outlawed his in-laws.'

"It's either this or a country run by lawyers."

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

Elizabeth II

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

"We lost another battle? Why does this keep happening?"

'I know it seems like a war, but it's actually an all-out struggle for peace!'

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

"Friend or foe?"

'I wish you wouldn't bring work home with you!'

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."

Royalty, Episcopacy, and Law.

"The militant hard-liners are making demands, the fanatical zealots are issuing threats, and the moderate centrists are offering suggestions."