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The Queen

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

'Your Grandpa achieved greatness, he thrust greatness upon me, and then you were born great!'

"Is this the same gold bar I gave you last year?"

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

"There's no way we can get him ow. He's completely under the covers."

"Don't worry, princess, I'm sure one day your Mr. Divine Right will come along."

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

"I have to admit. You talked a good game."

''Depression'? -- You or the country or both?'

Monster Baseball

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

"He's right―there is something under the bed!"

King completes rubik's cube.

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

"It's either this or a country run by lawyers."

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

'This is great! -- I should have thought of tax simplification years ago!'

'He just outlawed his in-laws.'

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

'Between you and me Wizard, is it true that you intellectuals have pointed heads?'

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

Elizabeth II

"The peasants have lost all respect for the moat."

'I know it seems like a war, but it's actually an all-out struggle for peace!'

'I wish you wouldn't bring work home with you!'

"Friend or foe?"

"The kids - Prince Englebert and Princess Felicia - would like us to move into the olde monarchs' home."

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

"Why, this is fit for me!"

'Well, you DID know this job was dangerous when you took it.'

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'