Mom Enthusiast T-Shirts

"It's your mother. She wants to know why you never summon her."

Mother and Baby

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Whoa

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

Growth Charts

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

A pregnant woman wears a shirt that says "Baby"with an arrow pointing down, while a mother holds a baby that is an arrow pointing up.

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

Maternity Ward

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

Toddler Feeding Solutions

Open other end

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

'How many fingers do you see?'

Early childhood development

Crying baby

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

'Listen! It kicked again right here. I swear it's not appendicitis!'