Mollusc Fans Pillows

Shell Fire

Hey. Hey. Polly wants some folly.

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

Stepping on clown's shoe...

Snail Pattern Balding.

Comedian faces audience of clowns: 'Ooh, tough crowd.'

"Well, we got the grant."

'Hey look I got a free newspaper with my wallchart of north sea molluscs aand DVD of elbow stretching excercises.'

'It's a new medication I'm working on, but the side effects are monsterous.'

Weather forecast

"I'd be fast, too, if I had legs that long."

Possum bungee jumping from branch with bungee tail.

"It's just like that thing you've got under your bed, only this one is for old people."

"The one's an en suite and the other's a walk-in wardrobe."

Small Clams Court

"They've always scared the hell out of me."

'Over on stage number two is the lovely, succulent, Misty Flatulence!'

'. . . He's such a slime ball!'

Notice - Salt Kills

Gardener and the Giant Snail

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

Snail with lots of shells says: 'I've extended as far as possible, so there was nowhere to go but down.'

"Does this hat say 'cosmic terror beyond mortal sanity?'"

A snowman, Frankenstein's monster and a scarecrow watch a fireplace DVD.

"Can I have the stick when you're done?"

Jeepers Creepers Billy, Can you wait until halloween to wear that? You're scaring me half to death.

"There were times I wished I was an oyster, but I'm happy as a clam."

A woman opens her washing machine and the missing sock monster climbs out.

"I still call it a custard tart but to be honest, it's a dairy free, soy fructose mix, with no nuts."

"Yeah, I used to ride a bicycle in the circus, but the gag was that it was way too small for me: kids loved the act..."

"I put in a skylight and it's made a world of difference."

AD 64: Another contestant is voted off Rome's top reality show.

Clown eating jelly beans.