Modern Work Observer T-Shirts

'We no longer handle the contracting out part. We contract that out.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Do we always have to work through lunch?"

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

You're right, boss, there may be too much idle chit-chat, but let me talk it over with my friends.

You won't believe what happens in circle 6!! Dante's Inferno updated.

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

Good solution. Now we need a good problem.

"He was much more effective in the field."

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

"I don't have a 'first hired, last fired' policy. I just fire!"

'Webster, is it just me, or do our new employees seem to be younger every year,'

Mice 25¢

"If you want to know why I fired you, you can subscribe to my blog."

Maternity Hospital

'They're always going on and on about 'carrying management' so this seemed like a natural...'

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

All You Can Tweet Restaurant.

"|For some reason, the boss is obsessed with my screen."

"So, Jenny in accounting needs all reimbursement forms backdated to the first of the month, but Dave in HR said she's just doing that to create busy work for everyone."

'If you have a problem, take it up with the boss. His door is always open.'

"Your sister got another promotion."

A dead business executive is lowered into the grave with his desk

"It was a scary few minutes but now I'm making a fortune as a motivation speaker."

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

"I have to use the rest room. Would you mind mumbling 'Mm-hmm' on my conference call for a few minutes?"

Old Yarns

"Someone just pinched my mobile phone"

"Daddy says God created Eve out of Adam´s spare credit card!"

I have a video phone and I'm not afraid to use it.

'I've tried hunting, and I've tried gathering, but what I really want is a desk job.'