Modern Wit Appreciator T-Shirts

'Dear Loser: You have been selected to receive no spam.'

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

Cat Burglar

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

"Tell me more about your fear of going bald."

Voltaire

Lot for people who don't know how to park.

"Oh my gosh — so sorry! Those were extensions!"

Professor Ernie's history of philosophy. Rene Descartes had a difficult childhood. I think, therefore I am! I know you are, but what am I?!

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

" ... and this is my wife - I'm legally obligated to tell you that."

"I don't think you have a case. It's only slander if it's not true, and I've heard you play."

'Huh, that Will Shakespeare, a man of few words.'

"Getting a little thin on top and dull below, eh Pop?"

"Could you speed it up a little, the 'Seinfeld' marathon starts in five minutes."

"The selfie of Dorian Gray"

Pick your own fruit or worms.

The People versus McGinley gets acrimonious.

'How can you stand to listen to dozens of crazy people and stay sane?' - 'Who listens?.'

I was thinking about something more like a slogan.

Dorothy Parker at the Algonquin Round Table

"Uh. . . Ooh. . . Here come the know it alls again!"

G.K. Chesterton.

Beware Of The Gnome - Look dear how quaint.

King Commute.

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore

Figure of Eight

Circus. I'm giving up the seltzer bottle as a comedy prop and will do a more sophisticated act. Ah, dry humor.

"What keeps me going? The tightening feeling in my chest that if I stop, I'll die."

'Did you know that your birthmark links to a cult group that worships cats?'