Modern Tradition Analyst Mugs

"I'm sorry the name you have chosen has already been taken. How about @james_chapman2335 or @chapjames992?"

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

Crap from the future.

Proud of herself for "never owning a tv" Emily watches eight episodes of a mediocre tv show on her laptop while in bed.

"You haven't enjoyed the Yule log till you've enjoyed it in high def."

Sensitivity Reader's Digest

Modern Life Blues

"Herb's from Texas."

"Fire one shot if you find a waterhole or two for a coffeeshop."

Bloke orders a pizza as Jesus divides the loafs and fishes

Your basket: Gold. . .You may also like: Frankincense and Myrrh.

"Everything I needed to know I learned from my mother - but I usually follow up with a YouTube video for verification purposes."

'Place your hand on the e-bible and text me a repeat text of my text...'

Hip hop Santa.

'You cant do anything these days without someone suspecting your motives. . . there is only one way out. . . inaction.'

"Seventy-five isn't the new anything."

"Very funny."

Gluten-free Santa

'If anyone objects to this union, Tweet now or forever hold your peace.'

"In the old days people with small dicks needed big cars. Today they write hate comments against Greta Thunberg."

Two ATMs sit side by side; one is labeled "Cash" while the other is labeled "Power".

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

'Oh, I plow the fields, Greta takes care of the house, and young Johan, here, maintains the website.'

He donated his body to social science.

"He looks so natural."

Hold it, I think I need something more than "because it's traditional."

Going on a fox hunt.

Mobile.

Elephant Upgrade

Expanding Minds

"Luckily, our retirement funds are entirely in double lattes."

Santa's elevator

Nativity pizzas

"We have very little need these days to employ a cudgel."