Modern Technology Pillows

'I'll tell you, Ed, this new technology is starting to realy spook me out.'

'Dude, it's time for you to hang it up,'

"Can I call you back? I'm creating happy memories of my childhood for my father."

'Hey Greg, you gonna be at work today?' - 'No, man. Workin' from home. You?'

"It used to be that if you worried about unseen forces you were considered paranoid. Now you're a security expert."

"Good grief, Bradbury! How long have you been working at home?"

"If we're going to talk, can we at least have the TV blaring?"

'We now feel it's best that baby keeps her security blanket until she's old enough for a cell phone.'

''Swiper's Wrist.' I'm prescribing 7 to 10 days of 'Cash Purchases only.'

Text in a bottle

Polar Bear on a Phone

'The invention of the decade? The person who invented low fat chocolate!'

"Why didn't I think of this a long time ago?...."

"If I have to text you one more time...."

I accept plastic.

"Let's cross over, those LED street lamps give me a real buzz..."

"It says 'beware of robot dog.'"

"So I downloaded the app, registered our appliance, accidentally hit the delete button, and that the last I saw of our dishwasher."

'Sorry, Big Guy, We're downsizing, Here comes your replacement,'

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

"Well, if you can't accept me as I really am, have you seen my Facebook page?"

"You'd be surprised at how often men still try to show me their penises."

"I love to curl up with a good book and watch television."

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

Super Book

"Absolutely not. I don't give my provenance over the phone."

Ask Me about my Break from Social Media

"Doesn't he seem a little old for her?"

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

Lynching on social media

"Welcome to the future"