Modern Relationships Satirist Mugs

"I'm sorry Gerald but I find someone twice as good as you for half the price on Amazon."

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"Excuse me, Doc, my attention wandered. What type of deficit disorder did you say I had?"

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'You can have any opinion you want as long as it's mine.'

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

Hello, Susie, it's R

Snowman Driver

The finer points of marriage.

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

"Morning, Brad." "Morning, Angelina."

Suddenly it occurred to Justin that rose petals might have been more romantic.

'I will subject to certain conditions...'

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

"I never thought I'd get married again."

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

His and Hers.

"...He broke your heart, did he? Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming!"

'That's his new trophy fishwife.'

"Marry you? Why I wouldn't even vote to let you into my co-op."

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

"Can I turn off the game and set the table? Ha, ha! Oh, honey, you are hilarious!"