Modern Marketer Mugs

"We don't make cookies anymore - I'm selling Girl Scout apps."

'Thanks to a little genetec engineering, we can merchandise these fish right on the farm.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

Lynching on social media

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'How fast can you hype?'

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

Online form - Submit.

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

Apples for sale

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."