Modern Educator Gifts

"You don't need to tell me about the birds and the bees. I just Googled it."

'I've just had a sex education class, so what was all that 'cabbage patch' rubbish you've been feeding me?!'

'Your punishment is to cut and paste ‘I will not misbehave in class' 500 times on your tablet.'

'Instead of observing your teaching, I'm going to install a web cam in your classroom.'

"I don't put apples on teacher's desk anymore. I put app suggestions."

'Instead of giving you an apple, I thought a Droid might not be recalled.'

'It's not a designer pin. It's actually a medal the Principal gave me for backing up my hard drive.'

'I am paying attention. I'm just suffering from slow download speeds.'

"Teacher, I brought you an Apple."

A Puppet Named Juan

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

Opportunities in Coronatimes

Lynching on social media

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

"You're fired."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Hate Platforms

Ethics exam cheater.

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

Now leaving designated Free Speech Zone. Shut it!

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Valuable business advice from some famous disruptive technologies.

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

Fear/Knowledge

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

Campaign for Plain English

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

'Is the glass half full, Wally, or half empty?' - 'Oh, oh! Trick question!'

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."