Modern-day Transcendentalists Pillows

"Siri, how do I build a cabin with no freakin' tools?"

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

"Herb's from Texas."

"We found three sort-of Earthlike planets around a nearby star." "Do you think any of them have video games?" "I've been trying to work out the odds of an intelligent species arising and evolving thumbs capable of holding an X-box controller." "Proof of video games would change everything." "I wonder what the aliens on those planets consider sexy." "Living beings creating simulated beings they can smash is the hallmark of an intelligent species."

"Fire one shot if you find a waterhole or two for a coffeeshop."

"You're on mute."

Bloke orders a pizza as Jesus divides the loafs and fishes

'Let there be cool.'

Your basket: Gold. . .You may also like: Frankincense and Myrrh.

When the traditional and contemporary services overlap.

'Glen Hoddle employs faith healer' "Remember the days we only had a magic sponge?"

Hip hop Santa.

'Place your hand on the e-bible and text me a repeat text of my text...'

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

Crystal Ball Plug

"Everything I needed to know I learned from my mother - but I usually follow up with a YouTube video for verification purposes."

'If anyone objects to this union, Tweet now or forever hold your peace.'

"Where should we target our advertising dollars? "Hold on, I'm checking my website."

'What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his internet provider?'

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

Two of everything on Noah's ark.

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

'I'm not going to bore you with a long sermon to-day - here's one I recorded earlier...'

'Oh, I plow the fields, Greta takes care of the house, and young Johan, here, maintains the website.'

Elephant Upgrade

Vision Board: If you're reading this, it's not too late.

'I downloaded them from heaven.'

"Do you have anything that will help me get rid of an irritating mantra?"

'I was happier as a caterpillar'

Mobile.

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Nativity pizzas

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Cowboys playing guitar video games.