Modern Art Interpreter T-Shirts

"It's Abstract Cart"

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Dialogue

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

She - Interpreter - He.

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

Convenience.

Frederic Chopin

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

The Cremaster Cycle

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

"My nephew Jack here can say ‘I’m unemployed’ in seven languages."

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

"Caricatures $20"

'At least I never have to straighten it out.'

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

'Boss, it seems like a friendly text, but you've got to learn to read between the emoticons.'

'Sophie has discovered Gehry.'

How a poet works

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'