Modern Art Interpreter T-Shirts

"It's Abstract Cart"

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

Dialogue

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

She - Interpreter - He.

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

Emily Dickinson: Mime - "I think she's saying something about death."

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

Convenience.

Frederic Chopin

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

The Cremaster Cycle

'Wait, this isn't Monet's garden, it's Mondrian's.'

'At least I never have to straighten it out.'

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

"Caricatures $20"

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

"My nephew Jack here can say ‘I’m unemployed’ in seven languages."

Pouring all emotion into his art, Pablo had none left for his face.

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

'Sophie has discovered Gehry.'

'Boss, it seems like a friendly text, but you've got to learn to read between the emoticons.'

How a poet works