Modern Art Devotee Prints

"He's big, but he's no Chuck Close."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"Well....I could've done this!"

"You're welcome."

'Projectile painting.'

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

Klimt Kiss Phones

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

Jackson Pollock Studio

Cats at private view

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

Picasso: The Early Years

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'I don't care if Jackson Pollock did start out this way. We are drawing kittens.'

'At least I never have to straighten it out.'

The Cremaster Cycle

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

"Feel better, dear?"

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

Art Gallery.

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."