Modern Appliance Enthusiast T-Shirts

"I don't want a smart toilet. It might realize what it is and throw up."

It's a male thing - I saw a toaster with power assist, and I bought it.

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"We're gonna entertain you for exactly the next 30 minutes."

"Do you want to suddenly decide we need a waffle maker?"

"Al, you've been chosen Businessman of the Year by the Junior Chamber of Commerce."

'Does this thing get channel four.'

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

Roasted

'And a special feature on this model is the diet ice cubes.'

"Wow! The big guy! And what kind of B.T.U.s am I looking at here?"

"This new dough-maker attachment is going to pay for itself in no time.'

"My compliments to the can opener."

Linda discovers she had just baked the wrong ziti

Entertainment systems

'With all these mega mergers between electronics and telecommunications firms, I just got an obscene email from the toaster...'

Bread maker, coffee maker, tea maker, pasta maker.

"Does it come with magnets?"

"To toast!"

"I was supposed to rinse them first? So, you're telling me somebody designed a machine to wash dishes, but we're supposed to make sure we wash the dishes before we put them in the machine?"

Microwave. Do you have any idea of the time pressure I'm under?

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

Castle drawbridge opens to reveal a dishwasher

"That is why you don't put 'instant rice' in a slow cooker."

'So you just dry stuff? That's cool, I guess. I mean, it's not like there's some mystical force that could do that for you, like, I don't know... evaporation.'

All the other land having been claimed and fenced already, Jedidiah bought his own range from the big box store.

How the cords get all tangles up when you're away.

"Unfortunately, our user-friendly toaster is warranty-unfriendly!"

Tonight's Lecture: Earth's Biodiversity at Risk. Obviously, they've never looked inside my refrigerator.

When it came to appliance repairs...Joe wasn't one to mince his words!

Why don't you look at ME that way?

"The washing machine is very energy efficient. I just wish Frank was!"