Mixology Maestro T-Shirts

"I'm a big fan of your work."

Let the good times roll.

"You know how to make a painkiller?"

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

Mozart on a computer,

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"Welcome back to the We Were Bored and Had Nothing Else To Do podcast."

Mini Bar

The Four Tops in Concert

Hip-hop cops on stage.

Join me in a Caiprinha!

Comedy, Tragedy, Karaoke

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"I seem to have forgotten what I was going to say...please...hold the applause!"

"Afterward, there will be a short Q. and A. that will be just long enough for one person to take up too much of it."

Corpse Reviver Number 2

An Audio Technician's Pocket Knife

Blue Blazer Cocktail.

Bar Therapy

"O.K., but what I'm about to tell you does not leave this news cycle."

Due to obsessive and intrusive attention by the Media, this news conference will be cancelled

The Poet.

Just married.

'...To be fair, the chemistry teacher didn't ask your Son to drink his practical exam.'

You can never over garnish!

'Wow- you're one helluva great cook! Even the stuff you ordered from the delivery store is burned!'

"Let 'em try to regulate this!"

Recording Studio

'I badly need to speak to my husband - can you get me a job as a barmaid?'

"This may be the beer, Zoloft, Rogaine, Cialis and Avapro talking ... but I feel weird."

Tom Waits.

'I see ol' bug-eyes is back.'