Mixed-religion Household Pillows

"This is the Halal dog food. The Kosher dog food is in the next aisle."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"Here's your sweater back."

"We learned in Sunday School today that God uses illegal surveillance techniques."

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

"Good. I can hardly see your Catholic parents now."

A planet like ours - Penguin to camel - "It wouldn't work either way my darling. I'm getting sunburnt out here and back home you'd freeze to death."

Monk with a smiley face on his tonsure.

"I'm supposed to meet a minister and a priest here..."

Computer literate Monk

'My son was nailed to the cross and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.'

We should talk...

"That vicar really knows how to put the fear of god into people."

A man opens his curtains to wake up his cats.

'Last week's sermon was supposed to be about Plagues, but I got the flu.'

"You both agreeing to mediation is a good start. So, your master, Rex, and your mistress, Felix, have decided to get married."

"What's this, a confession written in code. . .?"

"Hey, after this, do you want to walk into a bar?"

The dove returns to Noah's Ark carrying an olive branch in a martini.

'Thanks, but next time can you be more subtle when you think my sermon has gone too long?'

'We named him 'Raisin Bran.' Every morning in the litter box, it's two scoops!'

"Truth be told, you all have different daddies."

Multimarriages-phobia.

Priest reading 'Confessions of a Window Cleaner'.

ACME Exterminators (cat being dragged into a mouse hole

'That must be some mouse! Hang on while I get my shotgun.'

Risks for the heart patient Unloading the Dishwasher "Sorry? No can do." Answering the Land Line R-R-RING! R-R-R-RING! N-nope R-R-RING!!! Doing Taxes "Doc said I should take it easy." Any Car-Related Errand "The old ticker."

"As a blended family, we've learned to set limits. I limit myself to margaritas and he limits himself to mojitos."

Pet owner to pets in chair: 'We need to come up with some kind of time-sharing system.'

"Just leave the hat on and maybe my parents won't notice."

Megadeath Comes for the Archbishop'Did you bring the amps?'

'Guess what, Mom - Suzie and I just found out that we have the same ex-Dad!'