Ministry Work Pillows

"You realise that the job involves Sunday work?"

"He's highly qualified to be our new associate pastor but he wants all weekends and holidays off - the same days I want off."

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"Black or white, Vicar?"

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Night-time halo

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

Golfing Bishop.

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Early Piety

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'