Mini Critic T-Shirts

"Thanks for the birthday gift, but what will I do with a gift card to a toy store?"

"Stripes are very unfashionable."

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

'I know about the birds and the bees. Tell me about the bears and the bulls.'

Playdough's The Republic

"....But then I find myself saying, what if there isn't more to life than this?"

A baby playing on a grand piano

"If wisdom comes with age, what are we doing here at eight and a half?"

'I've been told before that I'm very mature for a three year old.'

'Miss Donahue would give him an F.'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

"Remember, we're the next generation so try not to blow it."

You invested in Facebook?! How could you? That bugs you? You, of all people, are mad that the FTC is suing Meta Platforms in an antitrust case? No, I mean how can you afford to invest? If you can afford to buy stock, then I pay you way too much. It was only $40! Quiet, I'm calculating your pay cut.

"Reverend, if we're born again in Jesus...do we get another belly button?"

Kid praying: 'If it's okay with you, don't record this one.'

"Wait, so his first whole sentence was 'I don't want to work, I just want to bang on the drum all day'?!"

"I'd like me first word to be profound, but I'll probably panic and blurt out 'Mama' like every other baby."

I disturbed the class by talking in my sleep.

'I don't need such a big office as this. My ego does.'

"It seems our precious three year old hacked into the White House with his playtime computer!"

"Aren't you young to be worrying about college?"

'I looked, and the Ten Commandments don't say ANYTHING about running with scissors!'

'What do you mean, it's good for me and I'll like it? That sounds like a contradiction in terms.'

'That's all for tonight, God. Stay tuned.'

'It's OK, being completely egocentric is perfectly normal for someone your age.'

"He can't come out to play right now...he's working on his autobiography."

Kid to mom: 'How come I ask so many questions?'

'Giving a child a violin is like giving him a license to kill!'

"Gracie, I'll never reveal my secret to being the smartest girl in the third grade."

'What is she thinking? Cloth diapers are soooo out of style this season.'

Apparently I didn't learn enough. They say I have to come back tomorrow. Welcome to Kindergarten.

"If the rest of school is like first grade. . . this education stuff will be a breeze!"

'To err is human. To really screw up requires a plan.'

'Coool! On which channel?'

"That's lovely! And did you create it all by yourself?"