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'We get Lt. Withers to play a French dandy and try to intimidate the new recruits.'

'At ease, soldier.'

"You can let that go till later, Harris."

Tank driver wielding a slingshot.

'Me? Morale Officer? --Why do you always pick on ME?'

'M.O.D. find budget replacement for the Fleet Air arm.'

Hague Convention Defied! Failure of the new Tommy-Scalder.

"Sir, the platoon suffered heavy casualties from a roadside IUD."

Peacekeeping?

'Thank you colonel we'll keep your strategy in mind.'

'Hamster Swat Team.'

"Bad news Darling, I'm going to be posted abroad"

'I keep yelling at my privates.'

'When did 'At Ease' become 'Chill'?'

"Dear Mum, please stop sending me food parcels..."

'At the moment, it's only weakness is flypaper.' - (spyplane research dept.)

'General practitoner'

Army barber says: 'Don't say 'Surprise me', soldier. I've never managed that yet.'

Reserve Ants

"Boots on the ground are one thing. Boots on my table quite another."

'... Now this releases me from any liability. And this form ...' 'Fred's legal experiences in civilian life interfered with his work in a war zone.'

“Sarge, could you please stop trying to hold my hand!”

Really big bang

Cat tipping a fish out of a bird box

The changing of the guard.

'We had no idea you were coming' - ACME Stealth Missile

"It varies, but offhand I'd say around 750 'bang-bangs' equal one 'boom'."

'You do realise we are going to have to kill you!'

'It was the only white thing I had.'

'By the way, what are we in line for?'

I'm glad I'm wearing boxers!

"Duty calling on line two, sir."

The True Reason of War. A Little Frontier Incident in Alsace, July 1914.