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Rise of the Econotraitors

"That's six 'noes' and one 'aye', the ayes have it"

'I won't lower myself to the level of my opponent.'

"And now, speaking against the theory of evolution..."

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

'I know it's controversial, but my calculations prove beyond doubt that a nod is BETTER than a wink.'

The Jose Padilla Experience

"Dave, quick word about religious symbols in the workplace..."

With no clear winner, the debate ended in a tie breaker.

"In this one, references to everything have been deleted."

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! Super delegates. A candidate could win the most votes in the primaries but lose anyway of the superdelegates want someone else! Can you believe that? Oh stop yer sniveling. In my day, the parties chose candidates in smoke-filled backrooms without even pretending the people get a vote. At least this charade gets you out of the house. Gets the blood pumping. I guess.

Rishi Sunak interrupts Liz Truss in leader's debate

'Actually, we don't like the term 'cannibal', we prefer to be called 'homovores'.'

Citizens' Jury - 'The jury thinks you should get rid of Citizens' Juries.'

"This is Professor Schvrtxvt from Ruritania -- he doesn't speak any English, but he sure is DIVERSE!"

Who will be the next CNN analyst?

Bush vs. America

"Love it! 'People of smoke' instead of 'Smokers.' "

Democracy - one of the drawbacks.

Donald Rumsfeld

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

"But I don't want my constituents to vote for the most qualified candidate! I want them to vote for me!"

"An election is like a car repair where the car owner has to pay a lot of money to have old broken parts replaced with new broken parts."

"May I remind the faculty that, in the event of a nuclear strike, atom bombs take a gender-neutral pronoun."

"I have a warrant for the arrest of Sandro Botticelli."

'This is the way to do it.'

'We are an equal opportunity employer; but you're really pushing it.'

"So apart from stop being 'lying hypocritical uncaring bastards who'd promise anything to get back in power'...is there anything else we might do to secure your vote?"

Psychiatry. I'm starting to take it personally when people say we have a representative government.

"You know, during these debates there's something that all too often gets ignored."

How to Game the Popularity Voter Whores

"Welcome to the class of 2020. Here's a lists of things you cannot say, do or watch, in case they offend someone you've never met."

"Being a military pundit was great after they got Bin Laden, but lousy after we left Afghanistan."

The Fortunes of War

"Now that we're down to three candidates, we're switching to a 'rock, paper, scissors' format."