Milestones In Childhood Pillows

"Yes, Mason, it's a nice happy face, but that's not how we use toothpaste, is it?"

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'I'm not happy with his latest school photo.'

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

'Baby's first two-step.'

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

One!

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

Early childhood development

Eagle parenting.

"Charles, look! He’s sending his first text!"

They grow up so fast, so we're already putting money away for bail.

Dominant hand reveal party

'We think he has a future in politics.'

Sparkler

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

'I think you're ready for the big chair...'

"We're a great team, Sash—you with your small and large motor skills, me with my spatial awareness and hand-eye coördination."

"Our little girl has blossomed into quite the little complainer."

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

'Jimmy made his first blog post today.'

'What do you think you're up to?'

They were American tourists, visiting gay Paree...and yet this was a Mexican stand off??

"I'm too old for baby limas."

'You've failed to reach your performance targets,we'll have to let you go.'

'How old? He's 14 months, 3 days, 7 hours and 16 seconds... 17... 18...'