Midnight Snack Dodger T-Shirts

'I have decided to get serious about losing weight. I moved the refrigerator out of the bedroom.'

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

"I hope we can sell everything before it's time for mom to make dinner."

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'

'I can't sleep. I'm too awake.'

''Romantic'? No -- but it makes me feel like having a CROISSANT!'

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

"Do you want the last piece, or can I have it?"

"It's the kind of trade you get in a twenty-four-hour-a-day joint."

'I knew I needed help when I started going to fast food places only at night so I wouldn't have to share with sea gulls.'

"It's just - this McDonald's closes at midnight."

The downside of the cupcake bed.

Bedside Manna.

'This fridge is fitted with CCTV.'

"Congratulations! For checking the fridge 30 times in under an hour, you've won something that you actually want to eat!"

'I woke up in February, and couldn't get back to sleep, so I got up, killed and ate a moose.'

"Damn it, who ate all the chèvre?"

"People are inherently complicated, and if you eat it late enough at night, cereal can be dinner and breakfast!"

'You were up four times last night.'

Unbeknown to other, Thoreau would sometimes, in the middle of the night, sneak out for a few odds and ends.

"If you're as smart a refrigerator as they say you are, you'll keep your mouth shut about this."

"Late night snack? No, I...I was just checking expiration dates, dear!"

"You're home, dear. We don't have room service."

Diet Enforcer

I know you wanted a virgin but it's all I could find at this time on a Friday night.

How farmers get away w/ eating crackers in bed

We're never going to lose weight if we don't get rid of the fridge light.

Al, do you ever go back in time and try to pinpoint moments when you made bad life choices? Actually, after an episode of gastric distress this morning, I journeyed back in time to last night. I pinpointed midnight as the moment, and I pinpointed pizza as a bad life choice.

"I was just... uh... looking for the low-fat yogurt."

'That's the last time I have cheese for supper...!'

The Cat that Ate the Canary, 3 a.m.

Parents sleeping with a new baby.