Midlife Reminiscer Pillows

"And here's one of you running with the guys in Pamplona."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

"You used to be that ambitious."

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

'Is that all you can do Just sitting there watching your old movies'

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Altar Ego

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

'Brother, the Lord takes a very dim view of the comb-over.'

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

"Remember back when we were just larva and didn't have a care in the world?"

"When we were dating it was all wine, soft lights, and candy. So nothing's changed really."

"Remember the days we could drink and party all night and we thought guys in their 50's were old geezers?"

"You should do something brilliant, before it's too late."

"My salad days have all turned to coleslaw..."

"I don't feel ready to commit to a cacoon, either, but do you ever worry we'll wake up one day and be forty and still caterpillars?"

'It's quite common with men your age. You've got a silver duct tapeworm.'

"I thought you might like to hear how my love-making sounded when I was a younger man."

"It started with a few grey hares in my 20's and they kept showing up."

'Since we've been married thirty years, Lester, I think it's time to face up to the fact that we've been seeing too much of each other.'