Microwave Avoider Pillows

'Get rid of your microwave -- at least that'll delay your meals a little.'

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

Crowded Ice Fishing

"You couldn't just stop and ask directions, could you?"

"It's great things are back to normal, except that there are people everywhere."

'Every single piece of homework handed in this morning - there couldn't have been much on TV last night!'

Welcome Sufferers of Stage Fright

"We may be stick in here for a while..."

'Skip the menu Ramon,i'll just have what he's having,thanks.' / 'Very well sir.'

'You can't avoid death...You can't avoid taxes...and you can't avoid having your name on computerized mailing lists.'

"Oh good, there's nothing on."

"Wow. That guy on psychic chat line is really good. He told me our next phone bill would be bigger than usual!"

Is there any history of not paying medical bills in your family? M.D.

"It's a great invention, but what if it leads to UTILITY BILLS?"

'Oh, Goody, football - we'll be able to talk without feeling we're missing something.'

'What part of school don't you understand?', 'The part between the bells ringing.'

'Open wide.' 'Your wallet.'

"My doctor told me to avoid any unecessary stress, so I didn't open his bill."

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

'Look, I just expect more from a muse.'

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

"Back to face-to-face working, lad? I think not! Be off home with you!"

"Honestly, Kate—can you picture us in a shopping mall?"

"Gah! Too many people!"

We moved to the sea to get away from the crowd, only to find they'd moved to the sea.

How to Tell when You're Asking for Directions from a NASCAR Fan: 'Make a left, then hang a left, take another left followed by a left...'

"Must...not gaze into...his eye! For I may...never break free!"

Mountaineer finds a computer at the top of the mountain.

'If you want somewhere quiet and without crowds...I recommend Greece.'

Indoor sauna.

"It says it's sick and tired of telling me to update my software and if I don't do it right now it's going to explode."

"Go Boxing Day shopping if you want...you couldn't drag me to that mall today!"

'We saw a mouse!'

"This is where I go to get away from reality TV."