Meteorologist Gifts

"Well, now the flood warning's been downgraded to just a light mid-afternoon sprinkle."

"Uh-oh, I think a storm has turned our valuable ocean-front property into worthless ocean-floor property."

'Hello, I'd like to apply for some property insurance.'

"What is the normal temperature for this time of the year?"

5 day forecast.

"The National Weather Service is warning these areas to brace for what could be a crippling amount of Instagrammed snow photos."

Eskimo Joe - "honey, you'd better get out here."

Today's Weather.

'The long-range forecast includes rain, sunshine, fog, snow, mild spells and high winds - Now prove that wrong!'

'He's had a short but interesting life - for instance, did you know he was once responsible for a tornado in Texas...?'

'Ever thought of seeing a meteorologist?'

'Newsflash: Experts are warning that overloading the Cloud with billions of bytes could cause massive rain and flooding.'

"Coggins, get me somebody in weather."

Here's the 5 day forecast. To be honest, after tomorrow, your guess is as good as mine!

'Snow again, today...'

"We'll feel pretty silly if it's downgraded to a tropical storm."

"Storm's a-brewin."

In case of prediction error: Umbrella in glass case.

Honest Weather Forecasting

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

"..and now I'll pointlessly show you the isobar map as usual."

"Argh! It's going to rain! My arthritis!"

Although the Weather Service hasn't predicted rain, certain indicators can't be ignored.

"When I grow up I hope to get into data storage."

"Before you predicted economic trends, what did you do?"

'... And looking at the extended forecast. We see the swarms of locusts moving out by the weekend just in time for another wave of burning hail.'

The Honesty Channel's Weather Forecast

'That storm in Denver It's confirmed, Volleyballs, What's that ,,, Yes, yes, We're certain -- the size of volleyballs,'

'He said it was going to be sunny and warm, but it's cold and rainy. So I stopped by the tv station, kidnapped the weather guy, and brought him here to the picnic to get soaked with the rest of us. Can you blame me?'

'I don't think Jones is telling us everything.'

'Unusual weather for June'

Umbrella Ego

"With out new super-fast computers we can get the forecast wrong twice as fast as we used to!"

With our new superfast computers we can get the forecast wrong TWICE as fast as we used to...MET OFFICE

10 percent chance of rain.