Metallic Humor Enjoyer Pillows

"Braces? I'm just not comfortable with all that metal in my mouth."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Trappist Monk Discord

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

HELLth Food Sprouts

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

'Staffers don't report we're managing decline. They report we met our targets and did out job!'

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

"If you get married at the Grammy Awards, can your marriage be annulled at the Country Music Awards?"

Clone Factory

Pokemon Get Lost

Man on left - 'What do you call a public servant who spends half their time doing private work?' Man on right - 'An MP?'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"Inactivists"

"The good news is it's brightening up..."

Trump Tariffs

'In my opinion, hold out for a doctor.'

"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."

"As I understand, we stop refugees making dangerous journeys to a safe countey and offer them safe passage to a dangerous one..."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'We're really just a mom and pop store...if mom and pop had 600,000 employees.'

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

"It's time we did something about the new Healthy Menu option."

Prescription Drugs '96.

Small Government Is Here

"Facebook VP — you'll be in Circle No. 4."

BP is compensating those affected by the black tide in Gulf of Mexico...

Vocabulary Glossary for Libya