Metabolism Pillows

'It'll never work. Your metabolism rate is higher than mine.'

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

'A geneticist laid bare my genetic blueprint, and I feel violated.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

"There's no such thing as free wi-fi."

"When it comes to good, old-fashioned roots music, this guy is the BEST!"

The Real March of the Penguins.

"Tom, let's explore why you feel Andrea's inability to understand 'icing the puck' is passive-aggressive."

GM Crops Genie.

Preparing for Casual Friday at the Genome Lab

'Iraq had no WMD's? Iran has no nukes? Surely there must be some terror-producing country to keep Americans frightened, and in support of big defense spending!'

Birthday Cake

"The coffee is free, but now we rent the tables."

'...And remember' It's not whether your dads win or lose the fight in the stands. It's how you play the game.'

'Isn't it about time for our seventh-year stretch?'

'Love is a Drug'.

"Hang on, I think we've got a Ring Ding here."

Kid to sister about Zamboni (ice smoothing machine): 'Yep, I think we're going to have a snow day.'

Bravo!

'First we were out-gunned by the criminals...now we're out-dunked at the donut shop!'

Campus police are dorm troopers.

'Dude, I thought you said they would be topless!'

'That's easy: it's the Match of the Day theme tune.'

Unknown to the rest of the world, members of the scientific community have been making their own babies to order for quite some time now.

Ronald Reagan

'The league got tired of the fights, so they now make them battle it out over a poker game. The games are now 16 hours long.'

'It's for you.'

"How long have I been typing on a waffle maker."