Merry Soloist T-Shirts

"I'd look forward to the company Christmas Party a lot more if I wasn't self-employed."

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

May your Christmas be full of harmony

'So, they weren't interested in your Robin Hood tax then.'

Everything for a buck.

Little Piano

"You're making a complete ass of yourself, Rodney!"

'I'm eating less and drinking less, yet I'm still merry!'

Pucker up!

Thoughtful kiddies' midnight snacks overtax my bulging slacks … The load I haul back to my shack is bigger than the one I packed.

'This is the part of the job I hate.'

"Don't worry dear. I won't spoil her anymore than you can afford."

It's our editorial opinion that you DESERVE a very Merry Christmas.

"Sorry! There's been some mistake. It's elves we're looking for!...Elves!"

"Santa, sorry for the soy milk and vegan fig bars - Caleb."

Wrap music

'...Tis the season to be grazing, fa la la la la, la la la la. The weight we'll gain will be amazing, fa la la la, la la la la. Don we now our stretchy sweat pants, fa la la la la, la la la la. We'll be eating tons of pecans...'

'With all I've learned about psychology recently, establishing who's naughty and who's nice is not as simple as it used to be.'

'Eat in moderation. Drink in moderation. Be merry all you want.'

"I thought you only came once a year."

'I don't need to go on a diet. All I need is a bigger pair of pants.'

Robin Hood wished his men were a bit less merry.

"I prefer sawn-off arrows. They double up as knitting needles for the wife.2

'Look there - the legendary Reindeer cemetery!'

"Where have I heard that laugh?"

"There it is! The last leaf - that's all we need to kick off the Christmas shopping season!"

Graduation day at Home School.

"Thank you. . . And now to your Health, sir!"