Merry Mix-up Lover Gifts

"Sorry! There's been some mistake. It's elves we're looking for!...Elves!"

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

'On second thought, let's try it the other way around... My head on a lion's body.'

"Sorry, that's not my table."

Popera!

'Eh...our costume party was last Saturday!'

"I like that everything is mismatched. I just think it could be mismatched better."

Busy mom drops a child off at the kennels and is on her way to dropping the dog off at kindergarten.

As luck would have it the hunchback's blind date turned out to be a hunchbelly!

'I suppose you're going to tell me I need new contact lenses.'

'Fiddler on a hot tin roof.'

'Why am I here, nurse? I just wanted a replacement for my organ.'

'Continue to support sex education in the schools if you want to, but Billy just told me that he resulted when your sperm met my omelet.'

"I'm not sure how to tell you this, Glenda, but you've been sitting on a golf ball for the last three times."

"Right now someone is saying 'Look, somebody threw out a perfectly good briefcase!"

Santa Claus

Piano tuner with an assistant.

"Please forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles. Will the happy couple please step forward?"

Carousel Ponies.

Lost Property: "How can I help?"

"No, this is not 'returns,' and that's not a receipt … it's a birth certificate!"

'Mr landlord, something went wrong... I said 'Give me a home where the Buffalo roam', not 'Give me a room in a Buffalo home''!

"Who hired him?"

Golfer on Football Pitch

"Then that lady next to me on the bus must be on her way to the hospital with my loose meat sandwich."

"Do you call this a party! I've been to livelier funerals!"

'Eh Darling. Why is the goldfish in the cats bowl?'

'You're right. It does look infected. But I'm just the janitor.'

'Of course, I'm PETER. Who were you expecting...the Tooth Fairy?'

"Hand me a number eight iron."

'You idiot! You didn't tell us this gig was for a marching band! '

"Ah...I see your mistake. We're, Proctor and Proctor. You're looking for the proctologist, next door."

Animal Hospital.