Merit Badge Masters Pillows

'To stress heterosexual, we now get a merit badge for getting laid!'

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

"Look , Malcolm, I get it that you're ambitious. But can't you put that damn thing down just for a minute?"

'We're almost 1/8th of the way there.'

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

"I think she marked yours in blue pen because she used up all her red on mine."

Cat Olympics

"If it gets tense in here I might need you to step up and BS-calate things."

The weight of winning gold.

'A good idea, Fletcher? So was your last one. Which, I recall, brought us to the brink of bankruptcy!'

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

'How many merit badges do you have?'

'I don't really have a personal best. I'm just sort of OK all the time.'

'I got this one for failing to earn a merit badge.'

'Just think, I could be taking you to your bridge game if we had bought that bass boat.'

"Denise, for this afternoon's meeting, get some facts and place them at my fingertips."

"He started with the gunslinger opening, but quickly ran into the posse defense."

Various sporting officials think to themselves: '4 years at West Point for this'...'5 years at MIT for this'...'6 years at Julliard for this.'

Boy Scout: 'Hey, my dad promised that I'd get a gun.'

'. . . I marked this territory a month ago!'

"Cool ship, but how's it even going to fit in the lane?"

"No, I can't play piano, but I could fill that bowl with hundred dollar bills."

'After he got his merit badge, he dumped me back here.'

"The red tag items go on these shelves...and the blue tag items go on those shelves."

'Ouch.' 'I'm practising to see the dentist.'

"Well, okay. I think I'll go ask the other instructors just in case!"

'To stress heterosexual, we now get a merit badge for getting laid!'

"This one is for selling video game rights for my life story."

Since when do they give merit badges for gynecology?