Menu Specialist Pillows

Todays Special: Beans on Toast #2.50 (use of tin-opener 10- extra. . .)

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

Soup of the month.

"Is the MSG local?"

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

National Coffee Day

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

Cereal Tasting.

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

With all that Christmas baking left, that's a bad thing...(egg prices soar).

I Heart Dinosaurs Chef

"Ooh, that looks delicious! Does it photograph well?"

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."

"How 'local' is the fish?"

Mediterranean Martini

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

"The chef recommends the most expensive dish on the menu."

'It's an acquired taste!'

Paul Bocuse caricature

'Tonight's menu is bound in Moroccan leather, with a touch of Flemish calligraphy on hand made paper.'

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

"Oh, put a cork in it...the bottle, you, the wine steward."

"And it was at the moment I realized that the only thing holding me back from culinary excellence was a bucket-load of butter."

"I'm trying to decide between water and sunlight."

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"