Menu Specialist Pillows

Todays Special: Beans on Toast #2.50 (use of tin-opener 10- extra. . .)

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

Soup of the month.

"Is the MSG local?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

National Coffee Day

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

Cereal Tasting.

"I''' have the misspelled 'Ceasar' salad and the improperly hyphenated veal osso-buco."

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"Ooh, that looks delicious! Does it photograph well?"

I Heart Dinosaurs Chef

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

'Would you like that organic, locally grown, carbon neutral, fair trade, trans fat-free, sugar-free, gluten-free and peanut-free?'

Mediterranean Martini

"And it was at the moment I realized that the only thing holding me back from culinary excellence was a bucket-load of butter."

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

"Oh, put a cork in it...the bottle, you, the wine steward."

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

"I'm trying to decide between water and sunlight."

'It's an acquired taste!'

'Tonight's menu is bound in Moroccan leather, with a touch of Flemish calligraphy on hand made paper.'